Continuing the A-Z of questionably-pronounced Cornish place-names. It’s strange that some places, examples would be Duloe and Tideford, are now pronounced differently to how my father pronounced them eighty years ago…and he was born and lived quite close to both of them. My father pronounced Duloe as Duh-loo and Tideford as Tiddyford (like Bideford), yet both are seemingly pronounced differently now. Tideford, which incidentally is named from the ford over the River Tiddy, is pronounced Tyde-ford and Duloe as Doo-low according to Cornwall Live…but then perhaps the English people who have settled there in the last fifty years have brought about a new pronunciation. Language has always been an organic thing.

N is for NANCEKUKE

A pilot flying out of Nancekuke

Found that take-off caused him to puke.

Then with nowhere to ship it;

Kept it clear of the cockpit.

Which at least stopped him earning rebuke.

O is for OLD KEA

Prior to dying, a man from Old Kea

Had Viagra put in his tea.

The widow’s faint was a foregone

When they couldn’t get the lid on;

So, he was covered with a small marquee.

P is for PELYNT (they don’t sound the ‘e’)

A cosplaying cowboy from Plynt

Saw himself as a West Country Clint.

At the count 1-2-3,

He got shot in the knee

And ended up with his leg in a splint.

Q is for QUETHIOCK

(I’m told it’s pronounced Quithik by the locals)

A well-travelled man from Quithik

Was a big fan of Richard Trevithick.

He thought steam power was best;

Much preferred to the rest,

But made do with an old Honda Civic.

R is for REAWLA

A distracted young man from Reawla

Was so engrossed while drinking some Cola;

He ended up scat,

Now he’s like a doormat.

All because of a passing steamroller.

S is for ST IVE (not St Ives)

That there’s a Cornish place called St Ive

Is a fact that seems hard to believe.

It’s not much of a hike

And it ain’t hardly like

Emptying Dozmary Pool with a sieve.

T is for TRUTHWALL

A belligerent bruiser from Truthwall

Picked the wrong guy when starting a scuffle

His desire for a sweet

Got him knocked off his feet

When caught stealing a Raspberry Ruffle.

U is for UNY LELANT

A philosopher from Uny Lelant

Was a student of Immanuel Kant

He annoyed all the locals

With his nocturnal vocals

Shouting out a metaphysical rant.

V is for VENTONGIMPS

A headmaster from Ventongimps

Thought he could teach Cornish to chimps

Before he could do it

They had self-learnt Kernewek

From a book called Cornish for Wimps.

W is for WOON GUMPUS

A professor wandering Woon Gumpus

Known to be markedly pompous,

Made a point to insist,

When surrounded by mist

He would not have need of a compass.

X is for ???

There’s no place in Cornwall beginning with X

I’ve asked Royal Mail, Evri and Fedex

Call me defeatist

For not being completist

But I’ve Googled and done all the checks.

Y is for YEOLMBRIDGE

A parson residing in Yeolmbridge

Followed daily doings in Ambridge

When wi-fi departures

Put a stop to The Archers

It caused him considerable umbrage.

Z is for ZELAH

A young lady living in Zelah

Got drunk drinking shots of Tequila.

The result of all that

Was she purchased a cat

That turned out to be a Lancashire Heeler.

A Lancashire Heeler

(photo – animalia-life.club)

© graylightfoot